- forced - shoes were uncomfortable - wrong sides of feet
- legs chained
- legs wobbling - unsteady - weren't given good
The day came, the shine arise, freedom came nearer. I needed to leave. I need to see the world, where was my dignity? Where was my rights? Wasn't I noticeable? Escaping was a hard, long process to consider. Would I have made it out?
Ah, came the usual occurance; our inmates came to 'visit' us with such willingness. Whoever thought it was a different day? It wasn't. Forced to stand on both feet and walked the ruins about a dozen times. The joy.
The walk. Never have I hated walking to such extent. My shoes were excruciatingly painful, filled with such horror. It felt as though they were placed on the wrong foot; or were they just my feet all along?
My legs were chained together with hard, heavy, solid steal. The walk was heavy and crucial. My legs wobbled tremendously as I tried to gain strength. The steps were slow, filled with anger and furry. Why didn't any of this punishment occur to someone else? Why was I punished? It didn't matter. The emotions that have been stored would not help me.
As the journey continued, the balance of the ground changed. The varieties of rock formation were scattered, leaving small gaps between them to create unsteadiness. They were rough, no doubt. The soles of my feet were burning from the pain. "I couldn't stand it, I couldn't," I said to myself. As I mumbled, my foot slipped from one of the rocks. Unknown what I had to do, but let gravity defined the next step, I fell crashing to the ground.
-Check your tenses and subject-verb agreement (have/has/had - is/are/was/were)
ReplyDelete- Be careful with homophones which sound the same but have different spellings
- Read aloud to check grammar e.g. "Unknown what I had to do, but let gravity defined the next step"
Intriguing story :)
The story you made is very interesting,as it takes the normal concept of walking but on a strange charachter. It has a lot of Imagery, there are only a few mistakes in grammar but the story works.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of making a boring activity sound interesting, you have been very successful.
ReplyDeleteYour last sentence, "Unknown what I had to do..." is a good way to end but it's grammar is a bit weird and I think you could have done a better job at phrasing it as it is not clear if you were crashing to the ground and did not know how to save yourself or if you wanted to save yourself but gravity had somehow taken authority over your body instead.