The day was filled with birds chirping in harmony, the sway of the trees through the winds and the noise of the water, crashing towards the beach. It was a beautiful day; a day to be filled with happiness and joy. What a better way then to engage the feeling in something worth remembering? There it was, a brilliant idea came to mind, "I should go snorkling in the middle of the sea!" as I said to myself calmly and excitedly, "it's something worth remembering, wouldn't it? The sea, the creatures, everything!" But little did I know, that day was literally the day I will never forget for the rest of my life.
I arrived at this ideal location where tourists come every now and then to explore. The blue crystal waters, the exotic fish in every colour you can imagine, everything about it screamed excitement! But the best part? The corals weren't even bleached! I was unable to wait. I had to go inside, see the world under and see the beautiful creation that Mother Nature has granted us. With no hesitation, I dived into the new world and experience something that I will never forget.
There were fish, turtles, seahorses, every single creature were there! (so I've thought to myself) but there was one that caught my eye. I couldn't understand the structure nor the colour of it as it was too far to be visible. With my curiosity, I went closer, and closer, and closer. The vision came more vivid. "What could this be?" as I said to myself curiously. With my surprise, I had the shock of my life.
A shark. But not any type of shark. A great white shark.
"I better get away before it's too late," and there I was, swimming away. But it was too late. The shark has seen me; it sensed my blood.
I like the fact that you didn't just start the story in the middle of the sea and really build up a character and situation. Just be sure that when proofreading, you look at your subject-verb agreement (creature were there) and tense control (will never forget). A very good start to build on. :)
ReplyDeletevery imaginative :D. It made me feel like i'm visualizing cool creatures.
ReplyDeleteFew grammatical errors but overall its good, the description of the surrounding is great and the story is creative and well explained.
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